It’s been a long eight weeks. We haven’t had a kitchen since the week of Thanksgiving. I’m so sick of eating out and cooking microwave food in our freezing cold garage.
I love it. Here are some pictures:
Two years ago today was the worst day of my life.
Just hours after putting our cat down I got the call that my Mom was in rough shape following her surgery for an aortic dissection. At the time I had no idea how serious her surgery was. She played it off like it was nothing because she didn’t want to worry anybody.
That was the longest three hour drive in blizzard conditions. Once we arrived she was basically being kept alive by machines. I was up all night hoping things would change. I watched the Sun come up the next morning knowing that I was going to have to pull the plug on my Mom that day. We kept her alive long enough for what family that could make it to say goodbye. It was hard but it was also great that have family there after being there all night alone.
I was so tired and out of it. I remember talking to the doctor. He seemed to be afraid that I was going to keep her alive indefinitely. I had no intention of that. There really was only once choice, but still it was hard, and it was all on me. I had to give the okay to watch my Mom die.
Once family said their goodbyes, I gave the okay, and the nurses went to work unhooking her.
We then watched her die.
The rest of the day we planned the funeral, and she had the best funeral ever. It was exactly as she would have wanted.
Christmas time was her favorite time of the year. I’ve had a hard time with Christmas these last few years. Every Christmas song is sad and almost brings me to tears. I don’t think Christmas can ever be a happy time for me anymore.
Today we went in to pick out the materials for our kitchen and bathroom remodels. It’s crazy how expensive everything is and how quickly prices added up. Granite countertops weren’t in the budget, but also probably didn’t make much sense in our house either. We did however splurge on the kitchen sink. After doing tons of research, we fell in love with the farm style sinks. It just seemed more practical for us to have one big deep sink rather than two smaller ones. We’ve been busy with the garden these past few weeks with canning and such, and many times though how much nicer a farm style sink would be.
The downside was that that sink costs $2700 in the off-white color that would go good with our cabinets. A stainless steel one was only $800, but we really wanted white. So, I just spent $2700 on a kitchen sink. It’ll be eight weeks or so before they start the work. I can’t wait. Our kitchen and bathrooms are going to look so good.
Hank Green recently vloged about our addiction to outrage. Part of the reason I haven’t blogged a lot lately is I that didn’t want to join the outrage. My Facebook and Twitter feeds seem full of people outraged about something. It’s ether another black kid getting mowed down buy a cop, or a cop gets shot, or someone’s getting thrown in jail for breaking the law causing people on both sides to be outraged, or even a lion getting shot.
It’s always something, and it’s quite exhausting.
I wish somebody had the answers to solve all our world problems, but as long as there are people on this world, there’s going to be fighting. We just need to dwell on the negative fears less; because in reality, there is much more greatness in the world.
Hey, it’s been a while since I’ve posted. I hate when people complain about not posting, but here I am doing it.
What have I been up to?
Well, right now we are in the middle of a kitchen and bathroom remodel. We’ve looked at so many kitchens that we are at a loss for what we want. We go in Friday to make the final design decisions and work will start in eight weeks or so. It will be a mess, but should be worth it.
Last month I saw the Foo Fighters for the fifth time. They are always incredible. Dave on is thrown was awesome. Not too many guys would tour on a broken leg, but Dave doesn’t disappoint.
Also last month we lost a member of our family. My cousin’s husband, a former soldier, committed suicide. Soldier suicides are far too common. They are the unaccounted for deaths of war, and are another reason why war should be the last option.
That’s about all that’s going on with my boring life now.
So the other day I ran across this book at work.
It sparked my interest, so I read the first two chapters.
While I totally disagreed with most of what I read, it was still interesting. Just seeing what these Christian writers think of Atheists was actually kind of funny. You would think that someone who writes a book about Atheism would actually know something about it. Then again, if they knew anything about Atheism they would understand that we aren’t scary, that we aren’t trying to take over the world, and that we aren’t trying to convert people to Atheism; they wouldn’t have a book to write.
I might finish the book just for the hell of it. It’s a small book with a large point font and written at a 5th grade level. It shouldn’t take long to read, and I’m curious to see how much more Christians don’t understand Atheism.
I love my job. I don’t talk about it much on here because it is what it is. Like most people, I wish I made more money, but I guess I live in a decent house, bought a new truck, and went to Hawaii this year, so I’m doing alright.
I’ve been at my job now for 17 years. It’s actually only my second job ever. In 17 years I’ve only had one coworker leave for another job, so most of my coworkers I’ve been working with for 17 years. Well, this week I’m losing my second coworker to another job. He was a newish coworker. Everybody knew it was only a matter of time before he left. He came here from New Jersey and was a little bit of an odd duck. He’s worked at numerous places and we knew it was only a matter of time before he moved on from here. He definitely didn’t have a midwestern worth ethic.
This week was his last week, and guess what he does? He calls in sick. Sure, he could really be sick, I kind of doubt it. He’s called in many time when there was a crappy job to do at work. My guess is he called in sick because of who he was schedualed to work with. He has this unnatural hatrid twards country music and anybody who likes it. Yeah, that would be a big problem for someone living in Fargo.
So I guess I get to work tonight and get twelve hours of overtime this week.
After nine months my Mother-in-law has finally moved out. It’s so nice to be in a quiet house once again. She always had to have the TV on for background noise. She even slept with the TV on all night. I don’t know how many nights that I couldn’t get to sleep because of the noise from her TV.
It was three long days moving her stuff and getting everything set up. I still have sore muscles that I didn’t even know I had. I’m getting too old for this. If we ever move again I am totally hiring movers.
She moved into a cute little old house that as lots of character. The rooms are really small though, so we were coming up with all kinds of space saving ideas, and I guess I’m pretty good at mounting TVs. I’ve never mounted a TV before, but they had three to mount. Apparently their friends liked my work and I may have some more mounting jobs in the future. I hope I didn’t make too much more work for myself.
I lied to get confirmed. I was lucky and we moved right before I was suspose to be confirmed. I told the pastor of our new church that I already completed all my requirements at my old church. I didn’t, but he didn’t need to know that. So all he made me do was write some bullshit paper. I was so thankful that I didn’t have to go to some bullshit bible camp.
Growing up I hated going to church, Sunday school, and youth group events. My Mom pretty much forced me to go. I didn’t fight too hard though. I don’t know what my Mom would have done if she knew I didn’t believe. That was the one plus after she passed away. I would never have to explain my Atheism to her. I’m sure she would flip her lid and never understand.
Growing up I was an Athiest long before I even knew what it was. I don’t ever remember believing in a god. I thought a god was just as far fetched as a Santa Claus. I’m sure when I was really young I believed in both, but I have no memories from those times. It was never about being rebellious, or wanting to insult believers. Bible stories just sounded like fairytales to me. The more bible stories I heard along with learning more science, the more I knew I was right. Growing up I didn’t know any Athiests, hell, I didn’t even know what that word ment. Now, thanks to the Internet, I know tons. In the circles I follow online, Athiests are the norm. I no longer feel like an oddball.
So I lied to get confirmed easier. It was all just to please my Mom anyway. It ment nothing to me.
I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it on here before or not, but my Mother-in-law has been living with us since August. She’s finally found a place to live and will be moving out May 1st. I can’t wait.
It hasn’t been that bad having her stay here, but she’s driving us a little crazy. My main complaint it the added clutter. I can’t stand clutter. I might have a mild case of OCD. Everything has its place, and if it’s not there it drives me crazy. I can’t even make coffee in the morning without first doing the dishes and wiping down everything in the kitchen.
My Mother-in-law has basically taken over the kitchen table. It’s piled full of crap and driving my crazy. Also she buys way too much junk food that doesn’t fit in out cupboards, so it’s piled up on our counter.
I also need to clean the house at least once a week. Yes, I’m the housecleaner in the household. The dirtiness must just get to me before others. It’s usually no problem. I usually clean the house during the day when my wife it at work, or on the weekend before she gets up. I don’t know why it is, I just don’t feel comfortable cleaning with other people around.
I also don’t like picking up after people. I clean up after myself, I don’t understand why everybody else doesn’t. Both my Wife and Mother-in-law leave stuff laying around all the time. They never put there shoes or coats alway. I kind of feel like an asshole complaining about these petty things, but they drive me so crazy. I can’t explain it.
I don’t think I have serious OCD, and I probably don’t even have OCD. I mostly just have OCD tendencies. I can usually manage it quite well, but this past weekend my OCD really got to me. It was the first time that it’s really affected my like that. I had an anxiety attack I think. I’ve never really had anxiety before, but I just couldn’t get out of bed on Saturday, and when I did, I went to work early just to get out of the house.
Thankfully my Mother-in-law is gone today, so I was able to get the house cleaned. I’m sure it’ll be a mess again by the weekend, but at least it’s how I want it now.
Today we are headed to Hawaii for our first Vacation in a few years. This will be our second time in Hawaii. We went five years ago for our tenth wedding anniversary, and this time for my 40th birthday. How the hell did that happen?
Last time we went to Oahu and the Big Island. This time we are going to Oahu, Maui, and spending one day on Lanai. It should be fun. We got fun stuff booked for every day. Maybe some Instagram pictures will end up here, or maybe I’ll ignore the Internet for a week. Who knows?
All I know for sure is that I will be enjoying much warmer weather than here in Fargo.
I’m not much of a car person. I don’t really care what I drive, and long as it gets me from point A to point B reliably. I’ve been driving a 1998 Ford Ranger since well… 1998. I bought it brand new shortly after I started my current job. I’ve taken excelent care of it, and it really still felt new to me as of last week. I only had 63,000 miles on it. Part of me wanted to drive it forever, but part of me wanted a new truck with all the fancy things like power windows, locks, and CD players. So over the weekend I bought a new truck.
After 16 years with my old truck, I probably deserve it.
It’s not super fancy, but it pretty slick selecting my music by voice with Ford Sync. I love it. The only complaint I’ve had is it has TOO MUCH leg room in the back seat and it’s hard to reach the cup holders.
One year ago today I talked to my mom for the last time. She called me to tell me that she was going in to have her aortic disection fixed, and it was no big deal. She didn’t want me to tell anybody, because she didn’t want them to worry.
That was her last phone call.
Little did I know how serious the surgery was. If I had know she dropped ill at work and was rushed to the hospital for emergency surgery, I would have been there in a heartbeat. If I knew that was the case I would have seen her one more time before her passing, but I would have done the same thing. I’m just like my mom in that way. I like to be alone, and I don’t like to bother people.
She came out of surgery just fine, but I never bothered to call her because I knew she wouldn’t wanted to be bothered.
Four days later we were planning her funeral.
I was never a Christmas fan to begin with, now they are even worse for me. My mom lived for Christmas. Every Christmas song is now a sad song to me. I have to fight tears going anywhere this time of year.
We are celebrating Christmas this year the day after the year anniversary of her passing. It’s going to be hard, but I have a feeling Christmas is always going to be hard for me. We are having the same meal with the same dishes. We are keeping as many traditions as we can.
That’s what Mom would have wanted.
Life has been crazy of late. I’ve barely had any internet time. Here is what I have been up to:
Two weeks ago we got my Mother-in-Law moved out of her house. She is now currently living with us until she finds a place here in Fargo. Hopefully it doesn’t take her that long. I don’t mind her too much, but it’s a little annoying having her around all the time and having to always wear pants.
Last weekend was my Fantasy Football draft. I hate when people go on and on about their teams, so I won’t bore you with that. I think it’s pretty crazy that my league is in it’s 21st season.
We’ve been having problems with something eating our tomatoes in our garden recently. Over the weekend we figured out it was slugs. I read online that little cups of beer attracts and traps slugs. This was after the first night.
So there is a use for Milwaukee’s Best. It’s cheap and pretty much undrinkable, but great for catching slugs. I ended up with 7 cups with 8 to 10 slugs in each one.
Today is the first day of a little vacation for me. Tomorrow we are heading to the cities to see The Book of Mormon at the Orpheum and then Thursday is the Minnesota State Fair and we are seeing Fall Out Boy with Paramore. Should be a fun week.
it’s currently 11:00 am. I just woke up from a short little nap after getting home from work at 6:00 this morning. I’m about to head out to my Mom’s house for the last time. Today we are closing on the sale of the house.
It wasn’t the house a grew up in. My Mom moved several times after I moved out. We actually moved many times as kids. There are five houses that I grew up in. Each one was sad to leave behind. It’s just the end of a chapter in my life, and a beginning of a new one. It’s going to be sad to leave my Mom’s house for the last time, but at the same time feels good to move on and have a little closure too.
Tomorrow we are having some good friends over for a BBQ and beers. Should be a fun time, and the start of the next chapter in my life. I’m excited for what it will bring, but bummed that I can’t share it with my Mom.
So yesterday on Facebook I learned that one of my classmates passed away ten years ago. Crazy I didn’t hear about it until now, but we didn’t really have Facebook ten years ago I guess.
He was known to everybody as Dude. Most teachers even called him Dude. It was always funny the first day of school when teachers ask what name students want to go by. Many teachers were reluctant to call him Dude. Dude was always Dude to everybody. Eventually the teachers understood, but at first many refused to call him Dude. Yesterday when I looked up his obituary, was actually the first time I learned of his real first name.
I wasn’t close to him, but he was a great guy. He was always super nice to everybody. He wasn’t the best student though. I remember him working his ass off towards the end of our senior year just to graduate. I’ll always remember how upset he was when the counselor recommended that he didn’t go to college.
His obituary didn’t mention cause of death, but at 29, I’m thinking it was either suicide or drug overdose. I leaning toward suicide. So sad to see him go so young.
So this past weekend we had a burial service for my Father-in-law. He was cremated in February, and we waited for a nice time to bury the ashes. It wasn’t that nice of day, but at least it wasn’t snowing.
While we were up in northern Minnesota, we saw the four empty plots that the family owns, and we claimed one of them. After reading Stiff by Mary Roach, I’ve never really cared what was done to my body after I died. None of the options really sound like any fun. Honestly, I would be happiest donating my body to science, but I have a feeling the family wouldn’t like that. After my Mom’s passing and seeing the cost of a traditional burial, verses the cost of my Father’s-in-law cremation, I am pro cremation. Plus in the cemetery that we are being buried in, you can put two cremations in one plot. So the wife and I will only take up one plot. That just make way more sense to me. Why take up the extra space.
It felt a little weird standing on the ground that my ashes will one day be buried under, but at the same time I felt at peace knowing my final resting place will be a great place just 20 miles from the small town that I still consider home living there from 1981-1990.
I’m doing pretty good, but every time the 20th rolls around, I’m reminded of that day. Today makes is five months.
I don’t think I have ever wished you a happy Mothers Day. I don’t know why, but I just hate the mushy holidays. Come to think of it, I pretty much hate all holidays. That doesn’t mean I didn’t appreciate everything you ever did for me Mom. I miss you every day. Sometimes I wish there really was a heaven so I could see you again. I have so much I want to tell you.
This morning the alarm woke me up to your song. I know you don’t even know what your song is. It’s this one.
Yeah, I never heard of Passenger either. The first time I ever heard that song was on December 19th when I was rushing as fast as I could to the hospital in a snowstorm. It just seemed so fitting. It was the last song that was on the radio as I arrived at the hospital, and was the first song I heard on the radio after your passing. I added it to the list of funeral songs along with all the ones you listed you wanted in your letter.
I know the Budweiser Clydesdale commercials were always your favorite Super Bowl commercials. This year they used your song in one.
So I guess it’s only fitting that I wake up to your song on the first Mothers Day without you. I miss you.
So three months ago today my Mom passed away. People have told me that it takes about three months before things start to feel normal again. A month ago I didn’t believe that, but now I think that that’s pretty accurate. Everybody grieves different, but this week was the first week that I started to feel like myself again.
Listening to music is still hard though. So many songs bring up so many childhood memories. The other day one of my favorite Something Corporate songs, “21 and Invincible” came up on my iPod. The opening line goes like this:
some days go by, i wish i was famous
or maybe religious, so i could go to heaven
just like you
That got me wondering if grieving is easier for people of religion? The thought that my Mom is all well above and looking down on me, despite how silly it sounds, sounds comforting. But then the religious folk have to cope with why their god took their loved one?
In reality everybody grieves differently. If religion helps you and comforts you, more power to you. For me living in reality comforts me. Living and learning as much as I can about the universe we live in comforts me. Life can suck sometimes, but you only have one of them. You might as well live it to its fullest before the atoms that make up your body are returned back to the universe that created them.