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Two years ago today was the worst day of my life. 

Just hours after putting our cat down I got the call that my Mom was in rough shape following her surgery for an aortic dissection. At the time I had no idea how serious her surgery was. She played it off like it was nothing because she didn’t want to worry anybody. 

That was the longest three hour drive in blizzard conditions. Once we arrived she was basically being kept alive by machines. I was up all night hoping things would change. I watched the Sun come up the next morning knowing that I was going to have to pull the plug on my Mom that day. We kept her alive long enough for what family that could make it to say goodbye. It was hard but it was also great that have family there after being there all night alone. 

I was so tired and out of it. I remember talking to the doctor. He seemed to be afraid that I was going to keep her alive indefinitely. I had no intention of that. There really was only once choice, but still it was hard, and it was all on me. I had to give the okay to watch my Mom die. 

Once family said their goodbyes, I gave the okay, and the nurses went to work unhooking her. 

We then watched her die. 

The rest of the day we planned the funeral, and she had the best funeral ever. It was exactly as she would have wanted. 

Christmas time was her favorite time of the year. I’ve had a hard time with Christmas these last few years. Every Christmas song is sad and almost brings me to tears. I don’t think Christmas can ever be a happy time for me anymore.