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One year ago today I talked to my mom for the last time. She called me to tell me that she was going in to have her aortic disection fixed, and it was no big deal. She didn’t want me to tell anybody, because she didn’t want them to worry.

That was her last phone call.

Little did I know how serious the surgery was. If I had know she dropped ill at work and was rushed to the hospital for emergency surgery, I would have been there in a heartbeat. If I knew that was the case I would have seen her one more time before her passing, but I would have done the same thing. I’m just like my mom in that way. I like to be alone, and I don’t like to bother people.

She came out of surgery just fine, but I never bothered to call her because I knew she wouldn’t wanted to be bothered.

Four days later we were planning her funeral.

I was never a Christmas fan to begin with, now they are even worse for me. My mom lived for Christmas. Every Christmas song is now a sad song to me. I have to fight tears going anywhere this time of year.

We are celebrating Christmas this year the day after the year anniversary of her passing. It’s going to be hard, but I have a feeling Christmas is always going to be hard for me. We are having the same meal with the same dishes. We are keeping as many traditions as we can.

That’s what Mom would have wanted.